Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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