We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
why is half of my head shaved?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
