He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
