I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
