What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
