we have officially lost it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
vagina is talking i cant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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