...so i touched it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
