Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
