The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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