I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
