We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize