i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You don't make any sense
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