I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
