five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
