I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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