So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
