There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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