we're chasing vodka with high fives
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
