Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize