It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
