yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize