Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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