final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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