i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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