i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
