The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love having hate sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
