she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
