you traded sex for a burrito?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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