he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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