you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
