This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
