Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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