Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize