your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize