Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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