Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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