WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
