She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
