I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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