Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
