So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
