I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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