Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
