Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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