What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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