Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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