Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
