Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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