you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
