Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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