Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He did a backflip because drugs
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