I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
