Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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