Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
