Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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