were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
