He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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