Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
