Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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