I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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