Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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