I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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