The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
