He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
