I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
