we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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