i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just shotgunned beers for America
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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