i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize