those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
