She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
